- Human Beings are people of reciprocality: If you smile, the other person will smile. You give out rude behaviour so will the other person. If you are not bothered, so will be the other person. As humans we tend to pick out the emotion in the room and get back what others have put out.
- Illusion of Transparency: We believe that how we see ourselves, other people will see us the same way. In no shape or form is this real. This is the Ambiguity gap. Our intent vs our impact on others do not equal. Remember Rakstars, the person on the other end, doesn’t know your experience or has the same knowledge as you, thus, they don’t see us the way we see ourselves. Rakstars, everyone interprets their thoughts, words and actions through their very own lenses. The Human brain is smart – it is like a prediction machine where it wants to understand the world so it bridges the gap of ambiguity with best guesses. Doesn’t mean it’s always accurate. This is why connection is important. For example, if you were bullied in the past, you are more likely to interpret some ambiguous behaviour as a threat compared to someone who hasn’t been bullied in the past, they would feel different.
- Social Connection: We love to be social, we really do. Even those introverts that are out there. Since we were babies, we relied on others for life. You need to be in a group to thrive in life. But as we need connections, we are also sensitive. Social pain is a real thing. Just like the bullying example above, if we don’t feel connected – we feel the pain. Did you know that there is a part of the brain called the Anterior Cingulate Cortex (ACC), where this is linked to conflict monitoring. For example, if you get a paper cut and feel physical pain, the ACC becomes activated. This ACC can also activate the social exclusion pain such as being rejected. Social bonds are so vital that we have a social attachment system which combines with the physical pain system. You know that feeling when someone backstabs you and you say it was a punch to the stomach, well, yeah, you feel it because we have physical pain related to the feelings of social pain.
- Treat others the way you would like to be treated: It all comes down to Fairness. Fairness is the ability to build strong connections with others without having others feel that their thoughts or opinions doesn’t matter. Being fair with others can help lead to a stronger connection as this builds trust. Being fair allows you to seek input and actively listen to the person. Not only that, it allows you to give others credit and acknowledge their accomplishments
- Be authentic and open: Have a growth mindset where you can engage deeply in a learning process – you can do anything. Be like water where you can adapt to different challenges that come your way. You shouldn’t be ashamed if you make a mistake, once you do, you have now learnt from it, thus it expands your mind creating more neuron connections.
Rakstars, you have the power of connection within the palm of your hands. Use it wisely!
